“She’s not my type but I don’t know why I love her so much”
“I know she’s not worth it but I still find myself trying”
“I can’t live a day without texting her and I know she won’t respond”
“She’s not a good friend but I can’t just leave her”
“We broke up but I can’t get over her and we’re still texting like everyday”
“She keeps shattering my self-esteem but I can’t hate her.”
I am so familiar with those sentences I heard from different people.
They are complaining that loving someone does hurt but they just can’t get over that person.
In psychology it is known as partial reinforcement or variable rewards.
Didn’t mean to sound pedantic, just want to tell you that it does work, it is a thing, and it is psychological.
4 texts sent, no reply. You were ready to give up.
She replied to the fourth text with such sweet words.
You got your faith back.
You gave her gifts, no respect.
You were disappointed, but then you remembered the sweet reply.
You gave her one more gift.
She was so excited.
You were not giving up.
She played hard to get again.
You decided to move on,
she called you out of the blue.
You went out with someone else,
she showed that she was actually into you.
You’re not moving on. It’s been years.
Congratulations, you are on someone’s hook.
It is very hard to get off the hook, I know.
Because of the insecurity, of yours, and you know, theirs.
Someone who needs constant attention from different people and needs to know that people are crazy about them does not feel secure about himself or herself.
They need people to feed their ego, to make them think that they are worthy.
What kind of ‘people’?
Sorry to say, the pathetic ones.
Of course I was once there, on someone’s hook. I knew that bunch of girls were crazy about him, he didn’t really like one of us but he didn’t say it clearly.
He kept maintaining us, played the mind game with each of us, and we were there, sitting in the waiting room, not talking to each other, just waiting for our turn to get the reinforcement, then back to the waiting room, for something that we didn’t know what.
Want to lie and say that I wasn’t pathetic?
Now I can proudly say that I was the first girl who learned about the pattern and got sick of it, and finally, here writing this blog post while the other girls are now still in the waiting room.
I realized that I was so naïve, pathetic, lack of self-respect, insecure, and okay, let’s just say the word: stupid as fuck.
You and the other people were not even options because that person will never choose.
You were there feeding their ego so they could think that they are good enough.
People with good self-esteem, who feel secure about themselves don’t need that.
You were just a crutch for their loneliness, just one more brick to build the wall around them to make them feel safe. That’s why every time you moved on, they wanted you back, with all the mind game, of course.
It is different from a player and you can tell.
Players don’t need ego feeder, they know they are good enough with or without people and they will play with anyone. They will do one or two efforts, but if you show that you’re moving on anyway, they will let you go.
Insecure people got hurt when you moved on. They lost one validation that they are worthy and they would do anything to feel good about themselves again.
The worst thing: saying bad things about you and shattering your self-esteem.
They will make you feel small, make you feel like you’re not that important, just to make sure you will feel insecure again, to make sure you think you don’t deserve better, and get back on the hook.
Similar to how people stay in abusive relationships, but they need more than two people and different kind of abuse.
This is less complicated than abusive relationship, I guess.
All you need is to realize that you’re on the hook, more self-respect, and you need to accept that nothing is going to happen between you two and it will always be like this.
Curiosity is what killed the cat. In this case, you are the cat.
You’re chasing a laser pointer; you’ll only get tired and get nothing in your hand.
You want to know where this pavement leads you, but let me make it easy and real quick; it is nowhere.
You are giving your energy to make them feel strong, you are questioning you self-worth while helping them to gain theirs.
I just want to tell you, being off the hook feels so damn good.
And also this post leads to one and one thing only: