Broken Hopes

How many times did we fall for feelings that we didn’t know what those were?

How many times did we fall and get hurt without knowing what the surfaces made from?

How many times can we make sure that those were love?

How many times can we call them broken hearts?

… and not “broken hopes”?


 

What makes us really sure those were ‘love’?

When someone came into our lives and she or he was really good at kissing, then they left and we cried for days, was that love?

When someone who always gave us compliments and was always there to support all of our decisions, was gone, was that a heartache that kept us awake for days?

When someone who fitted our criteria suddenly revealed his or her true color and we didn’t know them anymore, was that a broken heart that made us starve ourselves?

How many times did we decide to look closer at our “broken hearts” and get to know what those were really all about?

Someone who was good for our ego finally left.

We cried. We got really upset. We hated them.

Did we cry because we really loved them, but we had to let them go and it made us really sad?

Or was it because they weren’t supposed to leave?

They should be here, feed our ego and make us feel safe

So we can sleep splendidly without doubting our worth, without questioning our self-esteem.

Why? Why did they leave?

Someone who is good looking, smart, adorable, and almost perfect, turned out not as perfect as we thought he or she was.

They left.

We cried. We got really upset. We hated the universe.

Why? Why did we meet someone who is almost perfect and we can’t have them?

Why? Why didn’t it just work out well?

Did we cry because we really loved them and not being with them made us sad?

Or was it because we had a lot of ideas about being with them, build a really perfect family, write romantic captions to our pictures with them on social media, go to nice vacations together and live happily ever after… but we had to let go of those ideas?

Was it because we really loved THEM, or just the ideas?

Did we really know them enough to spend the rest of our lives with them?

Were we ready for the surprises, for their random behavior that we hadn’t learned about, for their new skills, for who they really are – and not the ideas of them?

Weren’t we just tired and afraid of starting over?

Meet someone

Know a little fact about them then add our ideas and fantasies about them

Try to convince ourselves that they are actually THAT good

Ignore the facts that they are not

Get slapped by reality over and over again

Finally realize that everything is not as pretty as we thought it was

Then cry?

Did we really think about them? About who he or she really is as a human being?

Or did we think about the reality that didn’t match our fantasy?

Think about how screwed up we were and how we had to accept everything we didn’t even want to know, and worse—not knowing where did we turn to the fantasy land and where was the last time we saw a thing as it is?

Did we ask ourselves enough that we were in love with them?

Or did we just buy people’s ideas, that love isn’t something you should question, that you should just go with the flow, follow your heart, and ignore your logic?

Did we ask ourselves many logic questions first, then we couldn’t find the answers until finally decided to call it ‘love’?

Or did we just believe it was love just because it made us happy and sad at the same time?

What makes us so sure that we need love, and not just someone who makes us feel safe?

What makes us so sure that the person in our minds right now is someone we want to take care of, and not just a rope for our bungee jumping?

What makes us so sure that this is love, and not just the need to be needed?

Did we ask ourselves enough to understand what was going on with our lives? Or did we just cry and lose sleep, get depressed, refuse to talk and even think about it, then just put them in a box called “broken hearts”?

 

How could we be so sure those were not just broken hopes?

 

One thought on “Broken Hopes

  1. that’s just so true. we sometimes feel lonely and when a certain someone come with warmth and comfort, we are spoiled by their attention without knowing if we are actually attracted to their person or kindness. The time when that certain someone finally go for another person they really love and call the kindness they give to us as “something normal, something they usually do to others” it breaks you to pieces. you just lost your only branch that kept you away from drowning. when their touch, voices, jokes, smile crafted in your mind too deeply. you play the god damn same episodes everyday. hoping to turn back time.

    while im tapping these. that certain someone. sitting by my side. flirting with girl he likes. here i am holding my tears with shaking hand trying to look cool with everything. is this love?? im so scared of the answer. could you give me a clue?

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